


the seventh pair is free

by polkaberry



Series: Dakotaverse [5]
Category: Diego Calls His Mom - SNL Sketch, Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Live Sketches
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 06:32:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10530864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polkaberry/pseuds/polkaberry
Summary: you can find damn near everything at target.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alltimelexi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alltimelexi/gifts).



Preston’s sister has to do laundry at their apartment complex because her washing machine unexpectedly dies on her

Somehow a pair of her underwear gets mixed up with the guys’ laundry. Diego notices this while he’s sorting and folding clothes. He holds the garment up in front of him, studies it: slight scrap of fabric, dark green, bikini cut, black lace trim. He sets the underwear down in a place he’ll remember so he can give them back to Preston’s sister. He glances at them, mulls over a thought that formulates inside his mind.

_What if I don’t give them back?_

_I mean, I will give them back to his sister, but...what if I  made this a real thing? Would Preston like it?_

 

* * *

 

Preston’s fairly open to all sorts of situations, but Diego has no idea what his thoughts are on lingerie. He’s never said anything about it in any capacity, so he can’t get a read at all from him.

Diego, however, is not shy about bringing a lot of things up to talk about with Preston. They’re out shopping at target one day when Diego steers the cart towards the underwear department. He’s idly looking at packages of socks as a cover while he looks over to the ladies’ section - his breath catches in his throat at the sight of bra/underwear sets in an assortment of colors.

He looks over at Preston; he’s looking through shirts across the aisle. Diego silently moves over to the women’s section. He hopes he doesn’t look out of place as he touches the material of the sets, cotton and lace skimming over his fingertips. He looks over to Preston again, still looking over shirts. Diego goes back to browsing the underwear, occupied in comparing fabrics when he feels a hand touch him on the shoulder, causing him to shout in surprise and step back into the shopping cart behind him.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t meant to scare you, babe.” Preston moves into Diego’s line of vision, brows furrowed deep to match his frown. “What are you doing over here? I thought you were looking at socks.”

“Ahh, um.” Diego purses his lips, one hand still on the display. “I...I’m, um. I’m looking at underwear.”

“Okay. I see this. But why are you looking at _ladies’_ underwear?”

Diego looks around to make sure they’re out of earshot of passerby. “I’m looking at ladies’ underwear because…”

Preston waits patiently for Diego to finish.

“Because I want a pair. For myself. To wear.”

Preston tilts his head and cocks his right hip out, smiles a little bit. “Are you wanting to wear them for you or do you want to wear them for _me_?”

Diego coughs, tries to avoid having swallowing his tongue from how fast Preston picked up on the intent. He’s also trying not to die at the inflection he put on the words “you” and “me” in his question.

“Both?” Diego looks up at Preston, eyes wide and a blush spreading over the apples of his cheeks. “I mean, if you’re into that sort of thing.”

“Babe, I’d love to see that. You know how much I like it when you wear briefs, a lot of these underwear aren’t that much different in cut and shape.” Preston points to a seven-count package of cotton bikini-cut that’s positioned next to Diego’s left arm. “Those look fairly similar, they’d look good on you.”

Diego coughs again, blush spreading down to his neck and up to the tips of his ears.

“Are you okay? You look like you’re going to faint, sweetheart.” Preston rests his hands on Diego’s upper arms, rubs them through the sleeves of his shirt. “Do you need me to get the cart so you can lean on it?”

“You want me to wear these,” Diego mumbles, reaching for the package Preston had pointed at. “Is it just underwear, or…”

“Do you know what your bra size would be if you wanted one?”

“No.” He takes a deep breath.”My goodness, you’re really into this. I didn’t think you would be.”

“Why were you afraid to ask? You know I wouldn’t refuse you anything you wanted to try.”

Diego takes a deep breath, picks out a size that looks reasonable for him, tosses the package into the car.

_“I love you so much right now.”_

_“I know.”_

* * *

 

Diego goes back to Target a few days later, by himself, to buy one of the sets he was looking at. He gets home and places the set into a nondescript box and stashes it in the closet, waiting for the right time to put it on, put clothes on over it, maybe reveal it to Preston by surprise.

He thinks about doing this daily until he says _fuck it_ and puts it on while Preston’s away at work. He stands in front of the full-length mirror, runs his hands over his chest and hips, smoothing the fabric with his fingers. He turns this way and that, looks at how the underwear accentuate the curve of his ass, how the waistband and leg bands lightly presses into the softness of his hips and thighs.

He nods at his reflection before putting pajamas on over the lingerie.

_Preston will love this._

 

* * *

 

Diego watches tv to keep his nerves at bay while waiting for Preston to come home. He hears the truck’s engine through the window, stands up and adjusts the bra since it had twisted a little while he was lounging on the sofa.

He goes out to the kitchen to start making lunch and is in the middle of dicing potatoes when  Preston comes through the door. Diego looks up when Preston meanders into the kitchen, comes over to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey babe, whatcha making?" Preston hooks his chin over Diego’s shoulder, slides his arms around his waist, gives him a squeeze.

"Chicken sandwiches and potato salad." Diego gestures to the bowls on the counter top. "You're missing the most important thing, though."

"And what's that?"

Diego steps away from the counter, turns in Preston’s arms so they’re facing each other.

"I made dessert." Diego pushes the pajama bottoms down to mid-thigh, giving Preston a good view of the underwear.

“Oh, look at that," Preston breathes out, runs two fingers over the length of Diego’s cock through the fabric, studies the pattern while uses his fingernails to trace the curlicues and flowers that adorn Diego’s hips. He looks Diego over, can't help but let his sight linger on the outline of his cock through the cotton.

"Dessert looks really good, Diego. Can't wait to have a taste."

"You can have seconds if you want." Diego reaches up to rub the back of his neck. "But you have to have lunch first. "

"What if I want dessert first?" Preston moves closer to Diego just enough to let him feel the heat radiate from his body. Diego shivers, presses his hands against the counter, palms down.

"You're going to spoil your lunch if you do."

"I don't care." Preston curls his hands around the curves of Diego's hips, slides his fingertips under the elastic waistband. "I really want to get my mouth around some dessert."

"Preston," he whimpers, arching back into his touch. "I'm trying to make lunch here." He shifts closer, presses his hardening cock against his hip. “I don’t want to make you late when you go back to work..”

“That depends on how long lunch takes to eat.”

"Don't let me stop you then."

Preston drops to his knees in front of Diego, looks up at him with darkened eyes.

"Dessert's going to go cold if you don't have it now," Diego pulls his shirt off, sets on the counter behind him. He reaches for Preston’s hands, brings them up to touch the silk overlay on his bra. That gets Preston’s attention; he looks up, sees that Diego’s bra has a matching pattern.

“That right there is icing on this dessert.” He looks back down at Diego’s cock. "Now as for this, I wouldn't dare dream of letting this dessert go cold," Preston retorts, flicks his tongue against his foreskin.

"It will stay warm if I keep it in my mouth." He presses an open-mouthed kiss to the fabric of his underwear, licking hard over where the head of Diego's cock was pressing against the fabric. One of Diego's hands drifts down to tangle in Preston's hair, tugging lightly when he moves down and turns his attention to his balls; he keeps mouthing the fabric until it’s soaking wet with spit and clinging to Diego’s skin.

"Please, Preston." Diego closes his eyes, softly moans when his dick twitches, feels more fluid leak out; Preston sucks at the wet spot that appears on the fabric a moment later.

"Please what?"

"Please use your mouth on me."

"As you wish."

Diego rubs against Preston’s mouth again, more insistent this time. “Do you like the lingerie?” He asks, voice soft. He angles his hips away from the counter as Preston slides his underwear down agonizingly slow, pulling the band down just enough for the head of Diego’s cock to appear. 

“I’ll take that as a yes.”  Diego wiggles his hips when Preston starts tugging the fabric down with his teeth so he can get that much into his mouth to start.

Preston slowly nods, reaches up to slide his fingers underneath the bra, rolls Diego’s nipples between thumb and forefinger as he opens his mouth, laps away the drops of precome that are steadily beading on the slit of his cock.

 _"You're such a tease, Preston,"_ Diego mutters, rocking forward so he can rub the tip across the seam of Preston's closed mouth. He looks down and blinks at the way the light catches the shine of fluid on Preston's mouth.

Preston makes a show for Diego by slowly swiping his tongue over his bottom lip. “Mmm, tastes good so far.”

“I think that’s a yes,” Diego murmurs, slides his hands through Preston’s fine strands of hair, curls them around his fingers. He gasps when Preston takes more of his cock in, using the tip of his tongue to rub against underside of the crown.

Preston noses the curls at the base of his cock before licking a solid stripe from there to the tip. He pulls back, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Y'know, I'm really hungry."

"So have some lunch."

"That's not what I'm hungry for." He licks up the side of his cock, slurps away the trickle of fluid sliding down.

"What do you want then?"

Preston reaches back and tugs on the underwear stretched around Diego's knees. "I’ll give you three guesses."

It dawns on Diego a moment later. _Oh, I’m the lunch. Okay, I can get with this._

 

* * *

 

"I'm not done with you yet," Preston growls, picks Diego up, carries him out to the living room and carefully deposits him on the sofa.

"But your lunch," Diego protests, sliding down on the cushions.

"Fuck lunch." Preston kneels down and spreads Diego's legs wide before lifting his hips into the air.

"What are you-" Diego's voice trails off when Preston's hands cup his ass  and spread him open to his view.

Preston moves in, licking hard and fast over his entrance. Diego whines and bucks his hips, chasing his mouth when he pulls away to reach for the underwear wrapped around his ankles.

"Hey, get back here," he complains; he's rewarded with a slap to the backs of his thighs.

"Hush. Lunch isn't supposed to talk."

Diego whimpers again, wriggles underneath Preston's touch. He frees one leg from the underwear and lets them dangle from his left ankle; his attempt to escape isn’t ignored by Preston.

"Nope, Nice try, though." Preston maneuvers Diego on the sofa so that he's lying down, winds the underwear around his ankles before holding his legs straight up in the air.

“Are you comfortable like this?” Preston runs his hands up his thighs, pausing to press his fingers into the backs of his knees.

“Not really. I would prefer hands and knees if you’re going to do this.”

“As you wish.”

He moves away to give Diego room to slide off the sofa onto his knees. Preston runs his hands down his back, kneads the muscles right above the swell of his ass. He bends down and presses a kiss to each little dimpled indent in the same place.

“Don’t move. Be good for me.” Preston moves his mouth down, parts Diego open to his view before pressing a kiss to his entrance. Diego gives it his all to not move, chest heaving while he pants into the cushions. Preston pulls on the underwear in warning; he goes still in response, tensing up all over.

Diego’s breath catches in his throat each time Preston licks into him because it makes his bottom lip to drag against the underside of his balls. He cries out when Preston snakes a hand underneath him to wrap around his cock, stroking slowly in counterpoint to the quick thrusts of his tongue. The dual sensations of Preston’s fingers in and on him are too much for Diego to handle; he’s mid-thrust into his hand when he comes, his fingernails digging into the cushions as gasps Preston’s name along with a variety of obscenities in Spanish.

Diego slumps over the back of the sofa, breathing deep for air.He turns his head slightly, looks at Preston moving around behind him.

“Do you want me to…” He gestures at Preston’s lap. “Return the favor?”

“Mmm, no. That took care of itself.” He adjusts himself through his jeans for emphasis. Diego grins and rolls over, stretches out across the length of the sofa. He kicks his legs into the air, watches the underwear go flying through the air.

“Well, that was something.” Diego scrubs a hand over his face, yawns.  “What got into you just now?”

“Um, well.” Preston sits down, places Diego’s feet in his lap. “I really don’t know. I just. The underwear on you got to me in a big way.”

“I can tell.” Diego wiggles his bare toes, brushes them across Preston’s hip. “So how was lunch?”

“Well, I would definitely want that again in the future, but not too often. Don’t want to ruin my appetite, y’know?”

Diego laughs, pokes Preston’s stomach with his toes.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not humming the chorus to afternoon delight, you are
> 
> you know where to find me


End file.
